Invisible Independence

I am a southern woman, born and raised.


Down here, whenever a woman finds out she's got a little girl growing in her tummy, she drives the word independence into the fetus' brain. "You don't need a man to define who you are sweetie. A man is supposed to be icing on the cake."


Yeah, that's exactly what was drilled into my head and eighteen years later, it's still there. I live by it as if were the Holy Bible itself.


Independence is a precious jewel that should never be traded for anything else in the world.


So, why am I seeing independence from so many women disappear?


I've seen this happen to quite a few young women. At the beginning of school life, boys had cooties. Girls even made up the "Cootie Shot" to save them from the incurable disease that males could spread. (Circle, circle, dot, dot. Now you've got the cootie shot. [Draw this on someone's arm.])


During this time, boys were nasty.


Now, middle school hits. Best friends gossip together about what boys they like, visions of getting married to those boys and living in a huge mansion with two kids and rooms full of money. Yet, when boys start to get in the way of other things, the girls push the boys out of the way and move on. (i.e.homework, grades, fun, best friends)


During this time, boys are liked, but they're still from Jupiter.


Now, we move into the world of high school and everything changes. It's like a dynamite hits. Boys suddenly become the center of a girl's world. Everything the girl does now revolves around them. Sometime between the middle of the beginning of the school year and the middle of the year, most girls realize there are some things that are more important than a guy.


But, some girls don't get that memo. Guys are the center of the world; everything revolves around them. They get a boyfriend, fall in "love", then absolutely loathe the guy when they break-up. Two hours later, the cycle starts again and this goes on for four years.


They obsess over the guy when they have them to the point of stalking, then almost fall apart of the seams when the "relationship" is over.


Girls like this have what I like to call "invisible independence". The independence that was drilled into their brain as a fetus is still there, but it's pushed away to a teeny tiny corner. It's pushed away until it's hidden from every little light and the wanting of companionship takes over everything she is.


These girls need a boyfriend and without one, they're not happy. To the other girls like, they show their independence on their sleeves. Boyfriends are icing for the cake. For the girls with invisible independence, boyfriends are the cake.


They stop talking to their friends. They stop hanging out with other people. Their boyfriends become their lives. The boyfriend becomes the world and  everyone else becomes insignificant plankton.


This makes them seem desperate for anyone and I wish they would realize they could have so much more.